Kate from Tallaght, Dublin 24 messaged us on social media the other day saying she agrees with everything in our article ‘How to deal with your children especially when they get angry?‘, but she can’t remember all that in the heat of the moment.
So she wanted to know ‘if we could give you all a (very) short version of that article?’
The answer to that is a short ‘Yes’
Thank you for the great idea!
Everyone needs the short version to stick with a magnet on their fridge.
Lets get on with it, here’s the cheat sheet on ‘How to deal with your children especially when they get angry.’
We usually don’t number the tips but in this cheat sheet we will make an exception for your convenience!
1. Pause to calm yourself
- Stop (what you’re doing)
- Think (this is not the time to play fire with fire)
- Drop (your agenda, just for now, it’s temporary but do it now)
- Breathe (which gives you a choice about how to respond properly and efficiently)
2. Remember who the role model is
Don’t get hooked and be offended by your children’s anger, don’t take it personally.
Stay as calm as you can, things will calm and start to repair by the minute as long as you continue to remember and act like a role model that you are to your children.
3. Best friend
Not only have you got to be your children’s best friend but you must show it to them that you are one! And what we mean by that is you must listen, and acknowledge your children’s perspective, even if you don’t necessarily agree with it.
In case of an unforeseen disagreement, each person thinks they’re right.
Rage doesn’t begin to dissipate until it feels heard.
Once your children feels understood, they don’t have to escalate.
4. Safety Switch
Create a sort of safety switch that your children can get to the ‘tears and fears‘ under the anger.
Summon up all your compassion.
Softening yourself makes it safer for your children to surface when your loving compassion meets their wound, they’ll probably begin to cry, and the anger will no longer be necessary as a defence.
5. Right time at the right moment
Wait to teach until your children feel reconnected and regulated.
You may feel an urgent need to set your children straight, but remember that’s not you, its your “fight or flight” mechanism doing the talking.
You’ll be more effective once both, you and your children are calm down.
That’s all folks!
Lessen the drama and spread more love.
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